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Sunday, October 9, 2011

Wipe Your Tears! Pine Valley and Llanview Will Live on the Web!



Yes, Joan B. Average, Scriptwriter took a brief station break... but she's back with a suitcase full of new adventures to explore.  Speaking of suitcase,  it was a sad, sad day for soap opera fans when we learned our favorite shows and stars had to pack their network Prada bags and head for the unemployment line with the other half of America. It doesn't get anymore reality television than that.




Believe me, I went through a fair amount of Kleenex when I found out my old friends, All My Children and One Life to Live were given the "It's Not You... It's Me..." speech after ending a 40+ year relationship.  Actually, it was the reverse.  I guess you can't fault ABC if the ratings don't justify the expenses. 

Susan Lucci, our feisty veteran of 40+ years, made Erica a phenomenon for generations to love and hate, depending on the storyline.  Thank goodness she had a thing or two to say about the show's demise, and packed a nice punch in her heartfelt memoir, All My Life, published earlier this year.

Can you blame her?  She spent a good chunk of her life on the show.  It probably stopped being a job after the first season when Erica had the hots for Phillip and schemed to get sweet Tara out the picture.  

Many of us grew up watching this serial bride from the playpen to the water cooler, and had no problem knocking down co-workers at lunch just to snag that last seat in the employee lounge to satisfy our soap fix.   There was a time before VCRs and On Demand, when college students avoided scheduling classes between one and two o'clock, so they wouldn't miss a minute of Erica's shenanigans.

In her memoir, Lucci blames Brian Frons, President of Daytime Disney-ABC Group, for the show's demise.  According to Lucci, Frons said it would be 40 percent cheaper to replace the costly network soaps with informational cooking and weight loss shows.  I'm sure it also would've been cheaper two decades ago.

I say, if we want to watch these food/lifestyle and weight loss shows, can't we simply turn on the Food Network Channel, Cooking Chanel or Fit TV?  



There's enough yada yada on during the day.  Unless somebody's changing DNA testing or slapping a cheating husband... (I'm talking storyline--not real life.) then I'm not interested.  Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic.  I would be interested in good information, but I just proved my point.  I NEED FICTIONAL DRAMA. 

I can find real-life drama in my own life.  Let me escape to a world where my problems don't exist, where I have the solution to any character's woe in a hour with station breaks.  Where else would you give birth to a baby and three years later that same baby graduated from college, landed a job and has an apartment, bigger than your house.  Only in daytime television, I tell you. 

The soaps are like an old friend you saw everyday in school.  You may no longer speak to her on a daily basis, but it's good to know she's there when you phone her, and in seconds you become that silly teenager who bit her nails to the quick.

But in all fairness, it's probably viewers like me who watched the soaps mostly on Soap Net.  So I'll own my part in the dropped ratings. 

Lucci wrote:  "If Brian Frons could show his bosses that he could save the network 40 percent in production costs, he could keep his job even if the rest of us lost ours."  She added that several employees on All My Children either lost their jobs or lost money when the show moved from New York to California to save money.  "I wonder, did Brian Frons take a pay cut too?"  Lucci wrote.


Seems like some of Erica's spice rubbed off on Lucci.  I'm just glad she's expressing her views, because she has a right to be angry.  She also mentioned in her book about the decline in the quality of writing.  She said that when she turned on the show one day, she thought she clicked on the wrong station.  Erica didn't recognize Pine Valley?  That's like ketchup not recognizing french fries. 

Okay, you know where Joan B. Average, Scriptwriter is going with this.  Now it's my time for me to be feisty... move over Ms. Lucci.  I think they needed to bring on a few new writers, perhaps outside the daytime world, who grew up watching All My Children, and knew the stories inside out that could bring a fresh perspective without changing the premise of the show.  Not just hire writers who hopscotched from soap-to-soap and once hired, researched long stories and scripts in order to learn the show's tone and backstory.  

I think All My Children's premise faded away when no one was paying attention, just like General Hospital's.  

Come on, I'm sure when the husband & wife writing team and GH creators, Frank and Doris Hursley, penned the GH bible... they didn't plan on mob wars taking over the nursing floor drama.  No Ma'am... No Sir.  Even mob wars haven't been in the news lately.  So why are we watching them in daytime drama?  What happened to "Love in the Afternoon?"  It's now chatting and chewing in the afternoon with tips on where to find the best coupons.

Oops... my foot just plunged into the soap box I'm standing on.  They don't make them like they used too.   I guess I need to lay off the Starbucks Frappuccinos.


It's ironic that the digital generation is probably responsible for our beloved daytime soaps' demise, when it's the digital generation that will keep the Pine Valley and Llanview residents scheming on the Web for years to come.

That's right, I'm not making up stories in school.  You know I love creating storylines, but this is the real deal.  I'm sure you heard my shrieks of ecstasy where you live.  

Yes, All My Children and One Life to Live will live to see another drama-filled day digitally on the Web.  Production Company Prospect Park signed a multi-year, multi-platform deal that will deliver the soaps to fans via online episodes through emerging platforms and internet-enabled television sets.

Can I get a yaaay!  But that still doesn't mean I'm going to stop my personal boycott of the ABC talk show, The Chew.  I even turn the station when the The Chew's commercials come on.  Oh don't cry them a spaghetti  sauce river, I still watch those folks on the Food and Style Networks.  I have to admit, I'm happy they gave two newbies a shot at reality television fame.

But in all fairness, I'm not mad at ABC.  I'm loving their prime-time shows, especially Dana Delaney's Body of Proof.  (I wonder if she started on the soaps?  Most Hollywood stars did.) However, I'm not loving Dancing with the Stars, this season. 

But hey, these are different times.  Average Joans, Joes and college students no longer run to their dorm rooms and company lounges to get their soap fix.  There are so many other electronic distractions knocking them out of the running.  I'm just thrilled AMC and OLTL have landed somewhere I can visit. 

But I have a feeling, soaps will gain popularity again in the future.  Life goes full circle and so does television.  Must I remind you that some of us are watching Hawaii Five-O again, this time on Monday nights and it's pretty darn good.

 

Debuting last year, Hawaii Five-O's characters, McGarrett and Dan-O hadn't hit the streets of Wakkiki since the early seventies.  And let's not forget about our Charlie's Angels, with their sleek guns tucked away in their garter straps--are back for a second curtain call thanks to Executive Producer, Drew Barrymore, our ET angel... all grown up.  Of course, we'll never forget our original angels:   Farah Fawcett, Kate Jackson and Jaclyn Smith.  We'll always remember Farah Fawcett's beautiful smile and her long feathered hair many tried to copy.

Time will tell if daytime soaps will survive to see our toddlers hit the university halls.  Stay tuned.  

Friday, March 25, 2011

TV Shows That Made the Food and Drink


Can't you picture analytical Frazier and fastidious Niles still meeting for their morning non-fat cappuccino with light foam and espresso at CafĂ© Nervosa?  I still have visions of Niles meticulously wiping his seat down with a hankie before sitting his persnickety fanny down.  I'm sure Starbucks coffee sales climbed when that popular series hit the air waves.   

Cafe' Nervosa: The Connoisseur's Cookbook 

 Kick Your Career into High Gear... With Grant Writing Success!

And of course our infamous Friends at Central Perk loved their cappuccinos and Lattes too... and scoffing down Chinese food while spinning funny stories about the Ugly Naked guy across the way.

 (Friends)


So many memorable food moments made us laugh our heads off... from Jerry Seinfeld's cornucopia of cereal boxes and Kramer's frequent shopping visits to Jerry's kitchen with his "what's yours is mine" attitude... to Jerry mugging an old lady of the last marble rye from Schnitzer's bakery.  


The snatched marble rye is one of my favorite episodes.

The Marble Rye - January 1996
(Part A - Rye Episode)
(Part B - Rye Episode


It goes like this.  George takes his parents over to Susan’s parents' house for an anniversary dinner. On the way, Frank Constanza insists on picking up a Marble Rye from Schnitzer’s Bakery to bring to dinner.  After dinner, Frank realizes that Susan’s parents never brought out the rye and steals it back. But Susan’s "eagle- eye" parents notice the missing rye. 
BLANK SPACE
George gets Kramer to distract them with a horse-drawn carriage ride around Central Park for their anniversary, so he can sneak another rye back into their home. George recruits Jerry to purchase another rye from Schnitzer's, but they sell the last one to an old lady who refuses Jerry's $50 offer.   He snatches the rye from her and takes off.

Earlier that day, Kramer fed the horses cans of Beef-A-Reeno because he had an excess after shopping at a wholesale food store. During the carriage ride, the horses release horrible gas. Susan’s parents end the carriage ride too soon and foils George's plan.  

Those memorable food moments usually started or ended with a wacky Kramer.  Fans enjoyed the famous mango discovery that supposedly gave them a shot of the Love Jones -- and cracked up over Mr. Lippman's Muffin Top business with its own shot of lunacy.  

The Muffin Tops - May 8, 1997
(Episode - Part A)
(Episode - Part B)

Elaine inspires her former boss, Mr. Lippman, to open up a muffin top business called "Top of the Muffin to You!" when he notices Elaine only eating the top of a muffin at a party.   He seeks Elaine's advice when it doesn't go as planned.  Big mistake.  She tells him that he's doing it wrong by just baking the tops.  He has to bake the entire muffin and pop off the tops.  Only problem... he's stuck with a pile of stumps.

Elaine and Mr. Lippman try giving them to the homeless, but even they don't want them.  They end up with bags of stumps, until Norman, "the human garbage disposal," comes to the rescue with four bottles of milk.  

BLANK SPACE
Remember when Kramer invested in a popular non-fat yogurt shop Jerry, George and Elaine frequented until Kramer noticed that Elaine and Jerry were gaining weight?  Jerry and Elaine secretly had the yogurt tested at a lab and found out it was not low fat and was indeed packing on the pounds.  Yeah, like they were so portly.


And then there's my other favorite... the "big salad" debacle.  My husband still teases me when I order a large salad.  "Oh, you want a big salad, Elaine?"

Our television shows' preoccupation with food had been going on for decades.  Fans of the Golden Girls probably gained a few pounds watching their golden escapades around the kitchen table.  They often ended their Saturday night dating disappointments commiserating over a cheese cake and chocolate syrup with three forks.   I'm craving a slice just thinking about it.


But it doesn't stop with the sitcoms.  Oh no, Nanette... I still crave coffee and a 7-Eleven Big Gulp when I tune into NCIS on Tuesday nights.  At any given moment, Gibbs and Abbs are slurping down their favorite beverage fix during the prime-time hour.



And you can't tune into Burn Notice without seeing Michael and Fiona scooping vanilla yogurt into their mouths at least once.  On Law & Order, you'll see plenty of chop sticks at the end of a long crime-solving day.  



Cheers gave the bar happy hour business a boost in the eighties.


 Popye had his spinach and Lucy Ricardo's hilarious episode on the chocolate factory assembly line still lure you to the nearest box of confectioners.



Yes, food always added the right spice to a television show's palate.
 



Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The Perfect Little Black Dress that Dials Out...

(Little Black Dress Cell Phone - M-Dress from Cute Circuit)

2011 Art Calendars: The Little Black Dress - 12 Month - 30x30cm

Coco Chanel was far  ahead of her time, but not Space Odyssey far.  If only Coco could see her Little Black Dress (LBD) now, I think she would approve.  Our badge of femininity, a loyal wardrobe staple has gone futuristic, or should I say ... techno.  Yes, my fellow Average Joan ... the Best Little Black Dress has arrived to the New Millennium party.

 (Coco Chanel)

This year, you'll soon be able to dial your friends and get incoming calls from the hem of your sleeve.  Yep, that's right ... an LBD that's a phone.  Called the M-Dress, (Moble Phone Dress)and produced by Cute Circuit, this year we'll be able to catch all calls, make them on our way to everywhere in a form-fitting dress with just a simple lift of the wrist to the ear.  Drop your arm, and you hang up.  Very Jane Bond and the French Connection.  

It Begins with a Wish... and Becomes Grant Writing Success ... Yours!


Okay, you skeptical Joanies, I know what you're thinking.  A Little Black Dress doubling as a cell phone, how? And what do you do in the middle of an itch?

Hold off selling your bridges, this hip-hugging soft circuitry cell phone dress has a built-in antennae concealed in the hem.  You simply insert a SIM card in a slim slot underneath the label and you're ready to accept calls from your regular cell phone number.  I wonder if this classic little black dress will eventually come in a number of styles.  We'll just have to wait and see.



OUR WORLD INSPIRED BY 
THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS

The Little Black Dress also makes itself known in other areas of our lives, and even satisfies our sweet tooth.

2. LBD Cookie Cutter

3. Voila! The LBD Cookie
 
 (Oh, Sugar!)


This LBD cookie would make a nice favor for the Little Black Dress/Little Pink Dress Sisters Tea for Breast Cancer Survival you can host in the Spring.  

First time hearing about it?  Here's a brief rundown.  The purpose of hosting a Little Black Dress/Little Pink Dress Sisters Tea is to raise funds so friends, sisters, mothers, daughters, congregants, the neighbor down the street ... can help women undergoing or just completed Breast Cancer treatments ... feel good about themselves. 

(Oprah's Tea)

Each Tea guest pays a fee determined by the host.  Money raised for the Tea provides a massage, a little black dress, a beauty gift basket, gift certificate, or stylish wig ... (whatever the need or desire) anything that helps her feel beautiful and calm during the toughest fight of her life.  It's been documented, feeling good helps the healing process.  You can also offer beauty services like a manicure or chair massage during the tea for the guest of honor.  

Since your guests are already styling in their LBD and LPD best ... why not add a fashion show using a few as models?  For more info. and ideas on hosting a Little Black Dress/Little Pink Dress Sisters Tea & Fashion Show stop by iCafe Woman Moderne, a virtual cafe for inter-generational women.  I'll provide more info. in the weeks to come.


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4. LBD Barbie

Are you surprised?  After all, she goes by the name of Fashion Barbie.  She wants to look classic and elegant too, and now has her own LBD Collection:  Barbie Basics.

 (Shenor Collections)

5. Ladies Tea Hats to Wear with Your LBD.  
You can find a plethora of beautiful hats to wear with your LBD.  This white straw head-turner from the Shenor Spring Collection shows off white satin flowers and white uniquely draped satin trim.  I can see myself wearing this to the Little Black Dress/Little Pink Dress Tea with white gloves, of course.

(Little Black Dress Books)

6. Little Black Dress Fiction
Lttle Black Dress Books is a sassy imprint of Headline Publishing Company, UK marketing to women 25 to 35.   



7. Little Black Dress Stationery - Say it with a Little Black Dress Invite.
Ask your girlfriends to be bridesmaids with this fashion statement stationery.  How could they refuse?
 
8. Little Black Dress Art

(LBD Art - All Posters.com)

9. LBD Jewelry



 10k White Gold Black and White Diamond "Little Black Dress" Pendant (1/4 cttw, H-I Color, I2-I3 Clarity), 18"

Diane Von Furstenbenberg Black One Shoulder Silk Dress 
Diane Von Furstenbenberg Black One Shoulder Silk Dress

Diamonds and pearls are still a fashionista's best friend.  Sure, the jewelry standard for the LBD dates back to when Coco Chanel first introduced the dress to the world and will always be a nice strand of pearls.  But tell me, would you turn away this beautiful LBD pendant?  I didn't think so.   It looks like a piece of art.

10.  LBD and Vintage Plantations Chocolate
And finally, we Average Joans and fashionistas alike love our chocolates, especially the gourmet, fair trade, artistic kind.  Enough said.



Email Copy Made Easy: Your Plug-And-Play Solution for Profitable Emails





Like to Shop?  Here are a few more LBD items you'll want to add to your shopping list. 


Diane Von Furstenberg Black Sleeveless Wool Dress
Diane Von Furstenberg Black Sleeveless Wool Dress

Insta-Totes Reusable Little Black Dress Shopping Tote By The Each

Insta-Totes Reusable Little Black Dress Shopping Tote By The Each $7.00

 Endangered Species Wolf, Dark (72%) with Cranberries & Almonds, 10-Count Individually Wrapped Pieces (Pack of 6)
Endangered Species Wolf, Dark (72%) with Cranberries & Almonds, 10-Count Individually Wrapped Pieces (Pack of 6)

The Little Black Dress
The Little Black Dress


White Freshwater Cultured Pearl Mother-and-Daughter Necklace and Earring Set with Sterling Silver Clasp
White Freshwater Cultured Pearl Mother-and-Daughter Necklace and Earring Set with Sterling Silver Clasp

Itzy Ritzy Nurser Nursing Covers Baby Bamboo and Little Black Dress
Itzy Ritzy Nurser Nursing Covers Baby Bamboo and Little Black Dress